I am someone who once viewed herself as a lost sinner separated from God. I was 16 and felt utterly incapable of making a life for myself that did not include surrender to the vices of my culture. I didn’t want to have sex. I wanted to be loved. I didn’t want to drink or do drugs. I wanted to belong. I also wanted a way to be of use to mankind. Everything I wanted seemed to find a home in the Southern Baptist denomination.

Joining the Baptist faith was everything I ever hoped it could be and more. It was a safe, nurturing and wholesome place for a 16 year old to plant her life into. I loved being at church or in Bible study. I loved living within the pale of a God who loved me unconditionally and sought only for my growth in becoming like his son Jesus Christ. Each and every day I was encouraged to look at my life and the life of Jesus with the one goal of merging the two. It was expected that as I grew in Christ my life would be increasingly marked by the fruit of the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful challenging one another, envying one another.

Galatians 5:22-26

Becoming an Evangelical Christian gave me the path toward my own self discovery. It became clear to me almost from the very beginning that the qualities Paul wrote about wouldn’t magically appear simply because I had made the transaction and asked Christ into my life. The apostle clearly said that these qualities were the fruit of the Spirit at work in me. The Spirit isn’t a fairy god mother sprinkling its wand and poof I am able to find love when all I want to do is hate. Instead, the Holy Spirit is the light in my real lived experience that shows me the part of me that is unkind and how to become the opposite. It is the force that challenges me when I’ve been overly judgy toward the homeless person I see at the intersection and says hand the guy the five dollar bill in your purse and don’t tell anyone. In other words to know life in the Spirit of God requires that we are self aware and able to look at our own thoughts and behaviors in the light. It requires that we grasp what is true at a given moment in our very life at that moment and if it needs altered then it is done. One decision at a time as we are led by the Spirit and our best self we can and do change. It is just reality that there is no other path toward spiritual growth in the Christian faith. No self actualization. No spiritual actualization. It’s that simple.

My perpetual grief exists in the realization the Evangelical voices being heard in 2024 are focused on obtaining positions of power and control while simultaneously creating laws in government to control people who are entirely uninterested in their worldview. The Evangelical church is no longer focused on the human experience of personal growth and change. Maybe it never was and I just thought that is what it was about. Regardless, I believe that there will be serious consequences as the quest for power and control of those outside their faith continues because first off, it is not at all reflective of Jesus.

I watched a video on YouTube yesterday where a high school or college age woman was sharing about her discovery that Taylor Swift just might really be a witch. It’s standard practice for those who don’t have power and control in equal measure to assume that anyone who does must be getting it from the dark side. As I read the comments under that video I just shook my head because each one was focused on affirming this woman for standing up for righteousness and being willing to be persecuted as though this was an accurate assessment. For actual fact, history has a long track record of labeling strong women as witches because patriarchal forces are always threatened by strong women. We have no stories of men being hanged as witches, do we?

Self focus is hard work. Self judgment and self criticism – though painful – are both vitally necessary in order to gain self discovery. In my experience to become Christlike at its core is to engage in the truth first and foremost about one’s self. It is only when we can do that, that we are able to realize how to grow and change. Even if you believe that we’ve been born again and redeemed for eternity, while you remain here on earth you will remain excruciatingly human. The only thing that can change you, me and humanity in general is self discovery and reflection. The only thing.

I commented on the YouTube video and simply said, “You people need to examine yourselves and leave her alone.”

That may sound harsh but it is just the truth. Evangelicals need to return to the basics and let go of trying to control the world by imposing Christian rule upon it. Fruit always comes from healthy plants and trees. Humans can never force them to give it to us. Why do we expect that positions of power and control of others will do the same?