Epstein, prostitution and underage sex trafficking isn’t out there in some other place. It is right here and has been for a long time. It’s interesting to me how many of us with a history of childhood sexual abuse knew at hello that 45 was very likely one of the worst offenders. We knew and felt his brand of creeper deep down in our collective soul. The night he stalked Hillary on the debate stage we felt it and wanted to throw up. We were in awe of her strength and ability to stand her ground. As he hovered, we shuddered.

Over and over again we have endured the very real PTSD symptoms that hit us out of the blue when we brush upon a sexual predator. We watch him spin one of his webs and tell a boldface lie to divert attention away from the horror of himself. As the men in our lives embraced him…and then the women in our lives did the same, we were speechless. How could they not know? How could they not see?

Many of us went straight to our therapists in tears seeking guidance during the 2016 election season. Every single day felt like someone was loading a gun and pointing it at us. It’s been a very long 3.5 years for us. Many of us have dropped out of political discourse of any kind because it’s just too damn hard. So much loss.

What our friends and families can grasp is that we can’t unknow our experiences. We can’t unfeel the gut tightening sense of danger we learned to know so well. Our rational brains couldn’t begin to grasp how someone so blatantly out there, so disgusting and dangerous could possibly be embraced by any sane voter. Then it got worse.

He did what so many like him do to put another layer of protection over his sordid life. He hooked up with “righteous” men who have also fallen in love with their own power to persuade and convince others that they are other than they appear. He became a Christian and surrounded himself with the religious…what better place to hide than in plain sight. We’ve experienced what felt like soul crushing betrayal as friends and family embraced him even going so far as to see him as God’s chosen deliverer for America. It felt like the sucker punch of all sucker punches.

At present, the daily struggle to wrap our heads around the reality in front of us continues to be no less difficult than it has ever been. Every day we continue to feel the ick that is our 45th POTUS. When this bomb dropped last week, we knew. We knew they would know each other.

Now, what we don’t know is…will it matter?